When things look great on the outside they are a disaster on the inside. THe kids and I stayed home and had a great day. Then Travis comes homes gets upset with me for something I did not think was an issue which leads to everyone upset and crying. Saying to me that he has not gone to darts in awhile because he was trying to want to spend time with us but apparently its not working. From everyone elses point of view we have a great marriage we trust eachother 100 percent which we do it's just not as great when you look deeper into our marriage. I try my hardest to keep it from the kids sadly its not working. I am not sure what to do anymore keep pretending things are great keep being a pta board member volunteer at the school all the time or active in the moms group. I do it because I am appreciated at home I can do no right I never do enough. Can I just quit everything stay home and cry al day because somedays I swear thats what my husband wants.

Sometimes I think I need therapy sadly we do not have insurance I may try and use some of our flexpay money or possibly call out priest. Then again thats where our perfect on the outside will crumble down. Which I am sue my husband will not appreciate. Sorry not much of a positive note today. I did go to the score and score some deals on christmas decorations from next year. I also hooked up the new wii and danced with the kids a good chunk of the afternoon. EVen with the neighbor kids here proving I am indeed a "cool mom" I suppose I better get off here and start working on the basement. My babysitting kids will be here all day tomorrow which leaves me no room to clean then. I am hoping a friend comes and visits tomorrow. I could really use someone to talk to.